


Views from the past

by Tanel



Category: Planes (Movies)
Genre: Bullying, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27623108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tanel/pseuds/Tanel
Summary: Dipper may seem happy little sunshine, but she too has her 'moments,.I had t write it.Again, written in half an hour bc.... I felt like i had to.It's fucking 1 a clock at night and i just write crap like this.. Where am i going with my life???
Comments: 6
Kudos: 3





	Views from the past

Dipper always seemed the most positive and energetic from the whole air attack team. Even Dusty wasn't able to keep up with her energetic nature time to time.  
She almost never showed negative emotions or talked about negative feelings, she was like a happy warm ball of sun, keeping her team close.  
However, this wasn't true, atleast not when she was alone.  
She often found herself unable to sleep well or startling up in the middle of the night for no logical reasons. She often just stood in her hangar wondering to herself.  
"Do they love me?"  
"Perhaps i am too annoying…"  
She then shifted her sight towards the mirror, she didn't really like what she saw there.  
She was almost disgusted.  
She looked exhausted, she looked sad, but to herself.. She looked like… like a slut. 

"why am i like this…. Am i too attached to everyone? Am i too attached to Dusty?"  
"why have i had so many relationships… all of which.. Failed… what did i do wrong?"  
Tears slowly came into her eyes as she kept looking at her reflection.  
She didn't feel like herself right now, but on the same time, she felt disgusted with herself, she felt as if she is a slut, eaventhough she had never even slept with anyone ever.  
She often got excited if she found someone attractive to her, sometimes she would get a little flirty, but not inappropriately.  
She used to wink at Blade sometimes, just as a joke of course, and Blade was rather used to it, he didn't even think much of it, but once when Cad was again at their base, talking some whatever nonsense to Blade, this bastard just out of nowhere had to point that out.  
"Hey Blade, have you noticed someone here wants your attention?" in a mocking tone while eyeing Dipper who was just listening in to their conversation.  
Blade didn't make himself care of course  
"Cad get the hell out of here and leave my team alone already.  
But that bastard didn't care about anyone's opinion.  
" I think you should spend some more time with her, she seems unsatisfied, why else is she lurking around dating sites at nights instead of sleeping, it's your job as a chief to satisfy her" Cad gave Dipper a wink with this stupid mocking smile on his face.  
Dipper's heart dropped at those words.  
'How did he know?? Is he stalking me? Why did he had to say that!!? "  
Dipper felt extremely uncomfortable, she didn't find any words, so she held her mouth shut instead. Blade of course stood up for her and quite aggressively told Cad to get the fuck out of their bases and leave her alone.  
" Get the hell out Cad, noone wants you here, we'll deal with this shit later."  
He closed in on Cad, in mildly threatening manner, Cad just laughed it off as he made some more stupid comment about Blade and his team and started to drive off, Blade had followed him until the gates and quite literally physically pushed him out of their area.  
Slamming the gates shut.  
Dipper felt more and more embarrassed and hurt by these words every second, she just couldn't get it out of her mind, memories of being bullied in similar manner when she was just a teenager started to creep back into her mind, and no matter how she tried she wasn't able to shut those nasty comments off.  
She quietly went into her hangar, it was getting late anyway, the sun had almost set, the base was still busy, but she just couldn't bare to be around other at this moment.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
As soon as she opened her hangar she wasn't able to contain herself anymore, she almost bursted into tears as she quickly closed the door behind her, she was now lying on her sleeping mat, nose buried in the cushion.  
Deep down she wished that someone would notice her disappearance and come to check on her, maybe Balde would care to check?  
But noone came, they probably didn't think that such a positive plane would be so deeply hurt by some stupid silly comments like this.  
But she was.. And she hated it.  
Midnight rolled around, and the base was fairly quiet, everyone had settled in for a night.  
Dipper just lied on her mat, motionless, she was tired from crying and over thinking, yet her mind was still a mess.  
She tried to distract her though with something positive instead, but after every attempt she still got stuck on one though specifically.  
"Slut"  
" planewhore"  
"too flirty"  
She didn't know what to do to get this crap out of her mind, it was getting exhausting and quite distracting.  
She knew one way how she would get that out of her head, she had done something like this back when she was a insecure bullied teenager, but she made herself a promise never do this to herself again.  
Yet, now, she really felt like it wouldn't be this bad.  
She finally stood up and went towards the drawer in her hangar, she started to look for a box cutter she remembered leaving there somewhere, she struggled to find it for few minutes, getting even more furious at herself.  
Finally after throwing some stuff on the floor, out of the way, she found it, an old box cutter she got when she first came here, this thing hadn't been used for years now, she only used it this one time to unpack her stuff.  
That was about to change soon, she stared at the tool, expressionless and almost hypnotized, she took it in her mouth and turned the blade out of its pocket.  
She then started herself again from a mirror for a moment.  
Only thing replying in her mind over and over again were the same words.  
"a slut"  
"too flirty"  
"shameless"  
She then pulled herself together, consentrating on these thoughts and then finally slammed the box cutter against her side, she didn't even feel any pain, all she felt was guilt and disgust towards herself.  
"You fucking whore"  
"She is unsatisfied"  
Those words made her feel so sick she just kept pushing the blade into her metal over and over again.  
The hangar floor was staining with her blood and when she finally felt the fluids pooling on the floor, reaching her wheels she came back to her senses and dropped the tool from her jaws.  
She looked herself back from the mirror, seeing the deep cuts she just made, and how they were bleeding, she started sobbing again.  
She didn't want to tell anyone, but she knew they will find out soon anyway, they will find out that she too has depressing thoughts, pulling her back, she has her demons to fight, she isn't always sunshine and happiness.  
"What would they think? "  
But she was too exhausted to care now, it was too late anyways, she turned the lights back off and went back to lie on her mat, not even bothering to cover the wound or cleaning the floor from blood. She was just too hurt and exhausted to do anything now so she fell into not so peaceful, restless sleep.


End file.
